That One Girl Who Never Does Anything Bad

I think that the reason I never try to risk anything is because I'm too fearful of the consequences.

Those of you who know me know that I don't really do anything risky... or interesting, for that matter. Sometimes I wish that I did risky things. Maybe sneak out, or go to a party that I obviously shouldn't be going to. Meet someone and befriend them, even though my parents would disapprove of it. But then I think of the effects that these choices could have on me, my life. It's not worth it to me. I'd rather stay home and watch movies or (don't hate me; don't judge me) maybe even do *gasp* homework on a Friday night instead of going to someone's house where I know everyone will be absolutely hammered. My parents disappointment, the loss of trust, risking getting kicked out of NHS and choir, none of that is worth a one night buzz.

I do think that there are times when risk is a good thing though. And I do think that I've done risky things to some extent. Putting yourself out there, showing that your vulnerable; these are all good types of risk. I open myself up emotionally every time I audition. I risk being rejected. I risk being condemned for not having a good voice. I risk being looked at as a horrid actress. I risk looking cocky. I risk looking too emotional. I put all of my being on the table in order for a judge to place a verdict on me. But it's these types of risk that I live for. The disappointment of failure doesn't even come close to the feeling of accomplishment. And this is all thanks to risk.

I guess my risk is more internal that external. I'm okay with that. Internal risk hasn't done anything to maim by being or my future. I don't need alcohol or the feeling in the pit of my stomach that what I'm doing is wrong in order to feel a rush of emotions.

In the hopes of lightening the mood of this post, here's a Spongebob Squarepants episode that is all about risk. (The kind that I try to abstain from.)