The Anti-process of Writing (and Life)

Things I do before I begin writing:

• Work out. If I'm going to be sitting in one place for hours on end writing, I might as well do something active before. 1 hour and 30 minutes gone.
• Go on Facebook. There is honestly no reason for doing this. Facebook is boring as hell, and yet I spend multiple hours on it doing absolutely nothing. 3 hours (accumulatively throughout the day) gone.
• Go on Twitter. Maybe someone else is procrastinating as much as I am? 5 minutes gone.
• Eat. And then I feel gross.
• Watch TV. No time for that in my life.
• Sing. Earbuds in my ear, music blasting, voice probably being ruined by the second by reckless notes that I probably should not be attempting to sing. 1 hour gone. (It's actually really easy to waste time by singing, if you're wondering.)
• Text anyone who will have the sincerity to respond quickly. Usually Nandu or Bridget. They're always awake. In total, probably 3 hours gone.
• That's almost 9 hours gone. Yep, seems pretty accurate. 

Things I do while writing

• Lay down on my stomach in my room, open Microsoft Word (2004 edition,) and stare at the screen for a very, very long time.
• Type out the first sentence that comes to my mind. Look at that sentence and think, "Did I actually think that would sound good?" 
• Look either at the syllabus or and example writing for help.
• Realize all hope is lost, I will fail at life, not get into college, not get a job, never find love, die alone homeless.
• Repeat everything that I did before I started writing, except working out.
• Have a meltdown in front of one of my parents. Be reassured that I will be able to write this paper, and mosey on up the stairs. 
• Lay down again. Look at Microsoft Word again. Think again. Type again. Erase again. Repeat again.
• Do this until a seemingly-mediocre paper has been written.

The process of revision:

• Write a shitty first draft.
• Think that my shitty first draft is amazing.
• Show it to my dad.
• Have my dad demolish it with corrections.
• Shamefully come back upstairs to correct.
• Come back with a less shitty, but still pretty shitty second draft.
• Look at a once-again demolished paper.
• Repeat eight times until my dad says the paper is a passing paper.
• Jump in victory.

This entire anti-process takes about 7-10 days.

It takes a lot out of ya. 

The first process is pretty much what I do before I start any type of homework. 

(I should probably change that.)