Yay for Futures

*Holy shat what is going on with this formatting? Shmeh.*

Hello, famous (insert age that you get discovered off of YouTube here) me!

Congratulations on your insane success! I told you that making a YouTube channel with your best friend singing pop songs was a good idea! We all know that it was a Demi Lovato song that got you discovered though, as good as Selena, Beyonce, Kitty Purry, or Gaga is. How is touring going? How are the letters from fans sounding? Have you finally learned to belt? (Or, have you finally learned to accept that you are NOT a belter?) How about the acting? Did Zubaida Ula in Laramie make you an even more successful actress? (It's okay, you can say no. We're not THAT good at acting.)

I hope you're not one of those obnoxious starlets who lives in a 45 million dollar house in Beverly Hills next to the Hollywood sign. That's a waste of money. You can move to Coronado and live in paradise instead. And while you're in LA, you can rent a cute little house in a private neighborhood. You're not special enough to need all that privacy.

Also, don't get a big head. You obviously don't have the best voice out there. So stop thinking that. I know you're thinking that. Have you stopped? You better have stopped. STOP IT. Good.

Also also, don't date someone famous and then marry them and then divorce them in 72 days. That's stupid. Maybe more stupid than having a 45 million dollar house.

Don't forget to work out a lot. You can't forget your morbid fear of being obese. Or your scarring childhood of being a depressingly tubby person.

Hope all is going well. Buy pretty (but not too expensive of) dresses to wear to the Grammys. And the Teen Choice Awards. Oh, and the VMAs and MCAs. OH, and the Tony's. Those are all fabulous events, and your yoga pant/legging pants that aren't really pants/$5 tshirts from Gap/long cardigans/leg warmers/boots/no make up style will not suffice for these events. I hope you've realized that buy now.

Last thing: have you been on Glee yet? If not, you should get on that. And when you meet Darren Chris, make sure to set him up with Carly. She'll appreciate that. Yep.

Lots of love, you.
Me. (You, but actually me.)